


Deal With It

by songofhell



Series: Falling For You [1]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 10:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6515158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofhell/pseuds/songofhell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley receives orders from Hell that he just can't obey, leaving him and Aziraphale struggling to find a way out of their mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deal With It

It was quite some time after the almost-apocalypse before Crowley finally felt safe again, before he stopped waiting for demons to show up outside his door and drag him back down to Hell, before he began going about his life normally again. Well, almost normally – some things were bound to stay changed, after all. For one, he was spending exceptionally more time with Aziraphale. It wasn’t that surprising, he supposed, given everything that they had just gone through together,[1] and honestly, it was nice.

Crowley had just finished giving his plants a healthy threatening,[2] and was considering driving over to Aziraphale’s book shop, when a voice began to echo through his TV.

“CROWLEY?”

Bless it. _Now?_ They chose to contact him _now?_ But surely if they were going to punish him, they wouldn’t have waited so long. So what did they want, then? “Er… yes?”

“WE WOULD LIKE AN UPDATE ON YOUR PROGRESS.”

“Oh, yes, progress…. Er, is there any specific-?”

“NOW.”

“Of course.” Crowley quickly attempted to recall the most demonic things he had gotten up to recently. It wasn’t as though he had specifically neglected being a demon, he just hadn’t been putting much thought into anything. “Well, Black Friday was an overall success this year, consumerism is definitely on the rise. Oh, and Apple is really doing well!”

“HOW IS THAT PERTINANT?”

“The company Apple that I inspired? You know, latest and greatest technology that updates every six months, making people obsessed with always trading out what they have for-”

“AND WHAT OF THE ANGEL?”

That brought Crowley up short. “Er… what?”

“YOUR COUNTERPART, AZIRAPHALE.”

“Right…. What about him?”

“CLAIMS HAVE BEEN MADE THAT YOU SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIM THAN TEMPTING HUMANITY.”

Crowley felt the color drain from his face. “I-I… I don’t see how…”

“IS IT TRUE THAT YOU ASSOCIATE WITH HIM REGULARLY?”

“Well, I don’t know about _regularly,_ but-”

“AND WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS CONTINUED ASSOCIATION?”

“Staying – Staying ahead of the competition, of course.”

“AND HOW HAS THAT BENEFITED HELL?”

“Well, he-he-”

“IS AN ANGEL. AN ANGEL WHO HAS BEEN IN YOUR WAY FOR FAR TOO LONG.”

“So, you want me to-?”

“DEAL WITH IT.”

Crowley waited for the ‘or else,’ but instead the voice died away, the TV clicking off. Apparently the demon thought that that part was implied.

Crowley stood there, staring at the blank screen as despair and horror coursed through him. What could he do? He couldn’t kill Aziraphale; he was all he had, he… well, he cared about him a lot, and he would just leave it at that because there was no point in delving deeper.[3] So what was he left with? He had little doubt that Hell had more than merely discorporation in mind for Aziraphale; their intent was actual death, the end, no coming back from that. But the alternative was an eternity of torture for him.

Unless… there was one thing that Hell may value more than Aziraphale’s death. After all, an angel fallen was a lot more use than an angel dead. Of course, he couldn’t make Aziraphale fall, but if he could push him in the wrong direction, convince Hell that he was working on it… it would buy him some time, at the very least.

A smile split his face as he spun around and nearly sprinted down to his Bentley. All he needed to do was get Aziraphale to sin a little bit, then he would have something to take back to Hell. He ran through the seven deadly sins in his head, weighing the pros and cons of each.

Envy just wasn’t like the angel, nor was pride. Wrath was definitely out of the question; he didn’t need the angel pissed off at him. Sloth was just boring as far as tempting went. Greed and gluttony both had merit. Or there was lust. Now _that_ could really be fun.

He looked down at himself as he pulled up outside the bookshop. Now that wouldn’t do. He snapped he fingers and he was in his very best suit – fitting him very snugly to show off his body, the top couple buttons of the red dress shirt unbuttoned, sans tie. Aziraphale had never even seen this suit before, as he tended to wear it on occasions that the angel would rather not take part in.

Crowley got out of the car and sauntered into the bookshop, a broad smirk plastered across his face. “Hello, angel.”

Aziraphale spun around, eyes wide. “Oh, Crowley. Hello.” His tone was distracted, and he didn’t even run his eyes over Crowley’s body like he was supposed. Not exactly the greeting he had hoped for, but something was clearly bothering him, so perhaps he could use that to his advantage.

“You look stressed,” he said smoothly as he walked forward. “Let me give you a massage.” He grabbed his hand and led him into the back of the shop, towards the couch.

“Oh, no, dear, I don’t need…”

“I insist.” He pushed him gently down to the couch and walked around behind him, beginning to rub his shoulders before he could protest anymore. “How does that feel?” he asked softly, leaning down close to his ear.

“It… it feels very nice.”

“You know, it would help if you took your shirt off.”

“Is that necessary?”

“I’m just trying to help you feel better, angel.” He applied a bit more pressure, drawing a soft, pleasured sound from Aziraphale.

“Yes, well, I don’t think a massage will help much with that.”

“Then perhaps you’d like to talk about it?” The sooner he could get Aziraphale past whatever this was, the sooner he could get him into bed.

“I don’t think I should.”

“I promise I won’t interfere. I just want to help.”

Aziraphale sighed. “Heaven contacted me today.”

Bless it. Bless it all. An Aziraphale estranged from Heaven would have been a lot easier to tempt than one who was back to following orders. “What did they want?” he managed to ask calmly.

He hesitated. “They want me to kill you.”

Crowley froze. Oh. Perhaps he shouldn’t be so surprised, for all of Heaven and Hell’s claimed differences, they did have a tendency to make the same move at the same time. So of course they would issue this order together. “If you don’t?”

Aziraphale took a deep, unsteady breath. “I fall.”

Oh, that was just great. Even aside from the obvious problem of Aziraphale being ordered to kill him, if he tempted him now, when he was already on the brink, the slightest sin would make him fall. Of course… that would alleviate all of his problems. If Aziraphale fell because of him, Hell would forgive him for everything. He entertained the idea for only a second, then shoved it vehemently aside. He couldn’t do that to Aziraphale. He couldn’t let him fall.

“What are you going to do?” he asked quietly as he dropped his hands from his shoulders.

“I don’t see that I have much of a choice.”

“No, no I suppose not.” He took a deep breath. “I… I understand.”

“You…” Aziraphale jumped to his feet and spun around, eyes wide. _“No!_ No, I could never kill you, Crowley!”

“But you’ll fall.”

“I’m well aware.” His gaze was set, determined.

“No! Angel, look, Hell contacted me, too, told me to kill you or else I’m in for an eternity of torture. You’ll be doing me a favor by saving me from that.” Of course he didn’t want to die, but he couldn’t see any other option here.

“Hell contacted you?” He shook his head slightly. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was buying time.”

“By giving me a massage?”

“Not exactly…” He ducked his head embarrassedly for a moment before looking up and explaining apologetically, “I thought that if I tempted you a little bit, I could tell Hell that I was trying to get you to fall, and buy us some time.”

Aziraphale looked thoughtful. “It’s not a bad idea… and if I fall now, I will save you.”

“No! I can’t let you fall for me!” He realized what he had said and amended, “Not in that sense, at least.”

Aziraphale blinked at him in surprise and he immediately regretted his words. “You want me to fall for you in the other sense?”

“Er… I mean, I-I…” He struggled to find words as Aziraphale walked around the couch, towards him. Well, he would probably be dying soon, anyway, so what harm could it do? He sighed. “Alright, yes. _Yes_. I would give anything for that.”

Aziraphale came to a stop inches in front of him, gazing at him intently. “But that would imply feelings for me, and demons aren’t supposed to be able to experience love and similar emotions.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Crowley snapped. “I guess I’m just a freak of nature!”

Aziraphale smiled as he reached out and took Crowley’s hands in both of his. “Or maybe living here has rubbed off on you, just as it has on me. Either way, we can work with this.”

Crowley frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

He released his hands, opting instead to rest his hands on the demon’s waist. “If you can convince Hell that you’ve managed to tempt me into sin – lust, I’m assuming, giving how amazing you look today.” Crowley beamed; he _had_ noticed. “And I can convince Heaven that I’ve managed to get a demon to love…”

“Angel, you’re a genius!” Crowley was so excited that he didn’t even think, he just grabbed Aziraphale and pulled him into a kiss.

The angel’s response was immediate, his hand sliding around to Crowley’s back and pulling the demon flush against him. He deepened the kiss, backing them up until Crowley found his back pressed against the wall and excitement shot through his body. They carried on like that for a good few minutes before Aziraphale pulled back, looking at Crowley with dark eyes.

“I-I should go talk to Hell, shouldn’t I?” Crowley asked meekly.

Aziraphale nodded. “And I’ll talk to Heaven.” He reached up, cupping Crowley’s cheek in his hand as he pressed a soft, brief kiss to his lips. “I’ll see you here afterward?”

“Definitely.”

Reluctantly, Aziraphale stepped away to give Crowley room to leave. He only went as far as his car, though; turning on the radio and calling Hell, feeling rather jittery and eager to get back to Aziraphale.[4] The conversation went a lot better than Crowley’s conversations with Hell normally went. Everyone seemed quite pleased with the turn of events, and Crowley was off the hook.

“WELL DONE. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND WE WILL BE IN TOUCH.”

Aziraphale’s conversation, however, did not go quite so well.

“But – but the demon can _love,”_ Aziraphale tried again.

“He is still a demon, and the addition of love cannot change that,” the Metatron spoke. “Demons cannot rise as angels can fall, and there is no use for a demon with the ability to love. Kill him.”

Aziraphale’s heart sank as he stared at the light, but he gathered his will, steeling himself for what would come next. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“You will fall.”

Aziraphale took a deep breath. “I know.”

“So be it.”

Suddenly, it was as though the world around Aziraphale ceased to exist, the most terrifying sensation coursing through him. He was falling.

* * *

 

 

[1] In fact, 100% of the time two beings work together to stop Armageddon, they become closer as a result. Of course, given that there has only been one nearly-Armageddon, this is perhaps not the best-tested statistic. A better one might be that 87% of people who go through a traumatic experience together, come out of it closer than they had been at the beginning.

[2] For some reason, his plants had seemed to be under the impression that since the world had nearly ended, they could now grow at their own pace. Crowley was quick to set them straight again, and they were now back to their optimum growth rate.

[3] Exploring feelings was dangerous business for a demon, and Crowley had enough dangerous business to deal with at the moment.

[4] He seemed unable to stop replaying that kiss in his mind, which made that task at hand a tad bit more difficult.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! This was not at all how this fic was originally going to go, but it just changed directions halfway through. There will be a second part coming soon.


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